I created The Hourglass Project roughly a year and a half ago. The purpose of the project was trifold. First, I wanted to explore my theory on finding balance in our lives. Second, I wanted to document my own journey on finding balance at this stage in my life. And lastly, I wanted to help others to find balance in their own lives.
The journey began, as they often do, with gusto and enthusiasm. But before long I was feeling overwhelmed and confused about the path I was on.
I had lost my voice and my ego was taking over. I felt like a fraud writing as I had no writing experience and I soon found myself feeling a need to write as if I was an expert in the field. I kept hearing my ego telling me that I needed to use my experience as a counselor to provide valuable knowledge to my audience. To prove that I was was intelligent and worthy of writing. I lost my authentic voice in order to attempt to prove this. The pressure I put on myself was overwhelming and soon the joy of writing dissipated and life got in the way and time continued to pass without any new entries.
A journey I began to help myself create balance ended up working against me and knocking me off balance because I let my ego get in the way. The ironic part is that I had no real following. If I said a handful of people had read my blog that would probably be an exaggeration. I had (and probably still have) no true following, but yet this strong pressure I put on myself to feed “my audience” what they expected from me totally destroyed that authenticity of my voice and my project.
It is easy to fall into these patterns, but I believe that awareness of them provides the first step in the right direction – and admission of it is crucial as well. So, I am admitting that I got caught up in ego and lost my way.
I’m not sure where this journey will take me and whether The Hourglass Project will ever have a presence in other people’s lives or if it will only play a role in my own, but I know that if I am not authentic in my writing then it serves no true purpose to myself or others.
After much thought, I have decided to keep all my previous posts rather than delete them and start with a fresh slate because they ARE part of my journey and I do hope that despite the lack of congruency in voice, that they still offer some value to others.
I cannot promise that my ego will not get in my way again or that fear will not trip me up, but I do promise that if you are reading this, that I am trying to be as open and honest with myself and with others as I can possibly be.
My original three goals of exploring balance, sharing my journey, and helping others in their own journey are still as strong as the first day, but instead of trying to be an expert I am going to just be me. As an individual who is licensed as a mental health counselor I have a strong foundation in personal awareness and growth. Although I do come to the plate with some expertise – as we all do in various fields – this project is simply about an individual’s journey for balance and joy in life.
I hope that if you are reading this, you will embark in the journey with me. I hope to hear your feedback so we can start a discussion about life, happiness, balance, and all the other joys and pains that come up along the way.
Thank you sincerely for reading this entry and I hope you will join me for more to come.