BEST SELF, GRATITUDE, INSPIRATION, MY TRUTH

A New Beginning

09/16/2016

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I created The Hourglass Project roughly a year and a half ago.  The purpose of the project was trifold.  First, I wanted to explore my theory on finding balance in our lives.  Second, I wanted to document my own journey on finding balance at this stage in my life.  And lastly, I wanted to help others to find balance in their own lives.

The journey began, as they often do, with gusto and enthusiasm.  But before long I was feeling overwhelmed and confused about the path I was on.

I had lost my voice and my ego was taking over.  I felt like a fraud writing as I had no writing experience and I soon found myself feeling a need to write as if I was an expert in the field.  I kept hearing my ego telling me that I needed to use my experience as a counselor to provide valuable knowledge to my audience.  To prove that I was was intelligent and worthy of writing.  I lost my authentic voice in order to attempt to prove this.  The pressure I put on myself was overwhelming and soon the joy of writing dissipated and life got in the way and time continued to pass without any new entries.  

A journey I began to help myself create balance ended up working against me and knocking me off balance because I let my ego get in the way.  The ironic part is that I had no real following.  If I said a handful of people had read my blog that would probably be an exaggeration.  I had (and probably still have) no true following, but yet this strong pressure I put on myself to feed “my audience”  what they expected from me totally destroyed that authenticity of my voice and my project.  

It is easy to fall into these patterns, but I believe that awareness of them provides the first step in the right direction – and admission of it is crucial as well.  So, I am admitting that I got caught up in ego and lost my way.  

I’m not sure where this journey will take me and whether The Hourglass Project will ever have a presence in other people’s lives or if it will only play a role in my own, but I know that if I am not authentic in my writing then it serves no true purpose to myself or others.  

After much thought, I have decided to keep all my previous posts rather than delete them and start with a fresh slate because they ARE part of my journey and I do hope that despite the lack of congruency in voice, that they still offer some value to others.

I cannot promise that my ego will not get in my way again or that fear will not trip me up, but I do promise that if you are reading this, that I am trying to be as open and honest with myself and with others as I can possibly be.

My original three goals of exploring balance, sharing my journey, and helping others in their own journey are still as strong as the first day, but instead of trying to be an expert I am going to just be me.  As an individual who is licensed as a mental health counselor I have a strong foundation in personal awareness and growth.  Although I do come to the plate with some expertise – as we all do in various fields – this project is simply about an individual’s journey for balance and joy in life.  

I hope that if you are reading this, you will embark in the journey with me.  I hope to hear your feedback so we can start a discussion about life, happiness, balance, and all the other joys and pains that come up along the way.

Thank you sincerely for reading this entry and I hope you will join me for more to come.

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4 Comments

  • Reply Karen 09/16/2016 at 4:57 pm

    Balance is definitely my biggest struggle! Trying to run a business while raising my two girls leaves little time for anything else. Count me in for this journey!

    • Reply Jess 09/16/2016 at 5:17 pm

      Yes, you certainly keep your hands full! I think the more we provide support for one another the easier it is to keep things in perspective and be more mindful of the choices we make. Hopefully we can all learn a bit from each other! 😉

  • Reply Krissy 09/16/2016 at 8:23 pm

    What a gorgeous site–so well done! I did the same thing, when I left teaching to stay home with my son I thought, “now I’ll finally get to do my passion project!” which was an education blog. I really underestimated how time consuming it was to take care of an infant and I also painstakingly wrote and revised (a thousand times over) every post in fear that I wouldn’t gain a following unless it was perfect (whatever that means!). I’d also invest time into a post I thought was really good or meaningful and get like zero views and feel frustrated. So I took a hiatus not sure if I’d come back to it and am just now, a year and a half later, thinking of writing again after listening to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert about following your creativity. She talked about how you do it for YOU, because you HAVE to do it, because it lights you up, rather than do it for others or for results–if they happen to like it, that’s a great bonus. This post reminded me I need to get back to it! Thanks 🙂

    • Reply Jess 09/16/2016 at 9:08 pm

      Thank you for all the kind words. We must be on a similar wavelength! I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic and LOVED it. If you haven’t read it (or listened to it on audiobook) I HIGHLY recommend it! It is really hard not letting the ego get in the way. Even posting it and sharing it on Facebook felt terrifying. Putting ourselves out there for judgment is extremely vulnerable. I just can’t get over the feeling that I am supposed to be doing something more than I am right now and following my passion. I am not sure what role this blog is going to play in the process, but I know at the very least it will teach me humility and perseverance, and help me overcome my own personal fears. I’m so glad you found a connection with the post. I’d love to see your site if you are up to sharing! 🙂

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